Ireland: Standing up for our same-sex parents

September 09, 2010

Posted by Roisin Ingle on irishtimes.com:

"An Irish report into the experiences of children of gay parents reveals the closeness of such families, but also the anguish caused by legal loopholes that rob them of basic rights

"Evan Barry, a 23-year-old Dubliner who works in the film industry, is explaining what it is like to have two mothers. 'It was normal to me,' he says. 'It was all I knew. I remember one day in school a guy came in and said ‘your parents are lesbians’. But before that I’d never put a word to it. I went home and said to my mothers ‘are you lesbians?’. I think I was eight or nine.'

"Tomorrow marks the launch of a groundbreaking report from the organisation Marriage Equality called Voices of Children. The report documents for the first time the experiences of children growing up in Ireland with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) parents. The often complex social and legal issues raised in the report will be discussed at a one-day conference being held as part of the launch.

"Like the other young people interviewed for the report – there were 12 participants, all of them the children of lesbian couples, in what is a modest qualitative research study – Barry believes it is important that awareness is raised about their legally precarious status.

"The recently published Civil Partnership Act does not give children of civil partners the same rights as those of married people. Nor does it recognise the relationship between a child and its non-biological civil-partnered parent. The children of gay parents are left in limbo with regard to a range of issues such as the protection of the family home, maintenance, succession rights, divorce, guardianship and custody.

"When Barry’s biological mother became seriously ill with cancer eight years ago he went to live with her ex-partner, his ‘other mother’, who he still lived with part of the time after she and his biological mother split up. This caused difficulties within his biological mother’s family, some of whom did not know she was a lesbian. It also caused added strain for mother and son that his non-biological mother was not able to come to the hospital or direct doctors in terms of treatment because she was not viewed as a relative by hospital authorities.

“'It all caused a lot of unnecessary pain and anguish,' he says. 'It made me realise that the person who was my mother wasn’t seen in that way . . . it feels like a burden. You have, not quite a secret life but a different life, and you can’t help being affected mentally.'

"If his other mother became ill now, he wouldn’t have any right to see her in hospital and if, in the event of her death, he was left money or property he would have to pay inheritance tax. 'It’s not about money,' he says. 'Legally we just don’t have the basic rights that other people have when it comes to their parents.'

... "Having an unconventional family arrangement made school life difficult for many of the children in the group, except where they attended a more progressive school or had teachers who were 'nice' enough to respect their families.

"The report contains several examples of everyday homophobia, especially concerning the policy in some schools not to let sick children go home with their non-biological parent. 'Even something as simple as being sick in school – they can’t come and collect you,' said one of the group. 'They say: ‘you have to have your parent’ and you’re like ‘she’s coming to collect me, she is my parent’ and they’re like: ‘no she’s not.’

"Another example was one group member’s memory of being discriminated against by her friend’s homophobic parent with the apparent approval of the school principal. 'That friend’s parents found out that I had a gay mother, and went into school and told the principal that she didn’t want her child playing with that other child. And the principal actually accepted that,' she said.

"Young people in LGBT families are excluded from adoption and Civil Partnership legislation, despite warnings from the Ombudsman for Children that this could give rise to violations of international human rights. For campaigners, the upcoming referendum on children’s rights is an opportunity to address these very real concerns.

"Christine Irwin-Murphy’s biological mother’s ex-partner had a son. She grew up with him and considers him her brother. 'The law doesn’t recognise him, a boy I grew up with, as my brother – whereas the baby my father had with his new wife is legally my step-brother. It’s a raw feeling to know your own family isn’t recognised,' she says.

“'It just makes me want to put up one hell of a fight for all the other families that are not recognised. There are too many legal gaps for kids to fall through and there’s a whole load of people who are going to be left as second-class citizens if something isn’t done soon,' she says."

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