Speaking of children…

July 27, 2010

"Children have more need of models than critics." - Joseph Joubert (1754-1824), French moralist and essayist

You hear a lot about children during debates on marriage equality. Specifically, you hear about what children are and are not going to be taught in schools. If the government permits same-sex couples to marry, the argument goes, then kids will be ‘taught gay marriage', which apparently means that they will be told that ‘gay marriages' are just the same as ‘traditional marriage'. The horror.

There are many ways of refuting this nonsensical argument. It has been done elsewhere and far better than I could manage. My aim here is to point out something not often mentioned in these debates: gay and lesbian children.
Let us imagine that the proponents of ‘traditional marriage' have their way, as far as education goes. At school, all children are taught that heterosexual, "one man, one woman" relationships are the only ones worthy of government recognition and societal respect. All well and good, as our generation of budding heterosexuals has been safely inoculated against the gay menace.

But what about the gay children?

These days, young people are coming out earlier and earlier, well before their teen years, and many have reported feeling ‘different' as early as second grade. They, just the same as their straight classmates, are involved here, and theirs is a position that is not often discussed.

Even in the best of circumstances, it is not easy to be young and gay. Almost every television show, movie, advertisement, and magazine trumpets the heterosexual ideal. Added to that the possible reactions of families and friends, the teachings of religions, and the internal conflicts of being so very different, and it makes for quite a load for anyone to carry, let alone the youngest among us.

But now, in their schools, in places where all ought to feel safe, from their teachers, who ought to be their protectors and guides, they are being told that they are different. Abnormal. Wrong. That their identities are perverted, that neither society nor the government will respect them, their relationships, or those they love. That they are less-than.

Here's my idea for a marriage-based curriculum. Let's teach kids, all kids, that deciding who to spend their lives with is one of the most important decisions they can make, and that it should be based on love, companionship, and mutual respect. That in this country, we are free to be who we are, and no one can tell you how to live your life. That we ought to treat everyone else with the same respect and kindness we would want to be treated with. That families come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and that what really makes a family is love.