The Kids Really Are Alright

July 13, 2010

By Sam Schoenburg, Freedom to Marry Summer Intern 

A movie was released last week about a family. One parent worries constantly about her kids’ futures and is a bit high strung. The other parent can be softer around the edges, but at times seem aimless. Their two kids, one about to leave for college and the other in the midst of high-school angst, see their parents with the normal mix of affection and, let’s face it, frustration that many teens know so well. What could be remarkable about a movie like this?

Well, the kids happen to have two moms.

In Lisa Cholodenko’s new film The Kids Are All Right, the children of Nic and Jules (played respectively by Annette Bening and Julianne Moore) make contact with their sperm donor. Into the picture of familial bliss (or something close) enters Paul, an organic farmer and restauranteur who is also the biological father of Joni and Laser, the lesbian couple’s daughter and son. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdDSqgZ87fM

What follows is a story at once recognizable and fresh as the characters, each clearly articulated and fully realized, play out the drama of the everyday American family dealing with life in all of its ups and downs. Moreover, characters Nic and Jules bear the realities of marriage in a mature and sensitive way. The fact that both happen to be female takes backstage to the broader qualities and quirks they both bring to the relationship.

The film has not been without its controversy. As the plot develops, the main conflict (spoiler alert!) stems from an affair Jules begins with Paul, who is played by Mark Ruffalo. Instead of wading into the treacherous waters of defining gay versus straight versus something in between, the movie recognizes that individual attraction is complicated. Ultimately, this story is about what happens when a family comes to terms with its flaws. As Jules says, “Marriage is hard.”

That sentiment, of course, is what seeking the freedom to marry is all about. Asked to identify the main message of the film, Mark Ruffalo said, “The kids are alright! You know, this assumption that a lot of people operate on that children can’t be healthy in an alternative family setting…as a means to keep gay couples from becoming married is really outrageous.” 

The kids here are alright. Their family might not look like those we are used to seeing on the big screen, but the message is a familiar one. “The Kids Are All Right” depicts family life with honesty. Seeing it is just one more way to move marriage forward, and have a great time at the movies too.