The real L word
July 21, 2010
Maggie Gallagher, the chair of the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), has recently decided to play the victim.
That's right, the chair of an organization that has dedicated the past several years to demonizing and spreading distortions about gay people, our love, and our families, has the audacity to claim that she isn't a bigot, it's really the radical homosexuals, with their anti-religious fervor, that are the bigots. Though her assertion is clearly overblown and manipulative, there is an unfortunate echo of truth to her words worth noting as we continue the fight to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage.
In today's political climate, discussions of controversial political issues often end in shouting matches, with neither side accomplishing anything. Just as there are plenty of homophobes yelling "God hates fags" at the top of their lungs, there are many supporters of marriage equality who rage against all things religious, throw around terms like "homophobic" and "bigoted" even at moderates who are just misinformed about the issue, and ultimately alienate many potential allies. It's important to remember that the vast majority of voters in this country are essentially good people. There are millions of Americans who are not homophobic or bigoted, but currently do not support ending marriage discrimination simply because they don't fully understand the issue and have been fed lies by organizations such as NOM.
These millions of potential allies are caught in a delicate balancing act. On the one hand, education about the importance of marriage to same-sex couples and gay families can often swing these voters to our side. On the other hand, calling them bigots and shouting at them is only going to turn them away. Maggie's cries of discrimination, though untrue for her, resonate with these people.
To better reach out to undecided voters across the country, we need to remember the importance of the L word: listening. Vote for Equality (VFE), the organizing arm of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, already has this lesson down. Since the passage of Prop 8 in November, 2008, VFE has been sending volunteers door-to-door to have conversations with people throughout LA County about the importance of marriage equality (you can see video footage of some real conversations here). The most striking thing about these conversations is that the canvassers actually listen to what each person has to say and respond to their concerns.
It's a simple matter of respect. When people feel they are being listened to, they are much more likely to open their hearts and minds to new ideas. That's why VFE's canvassing style is so effective and why it should be modeled by organizations around the country as we continue to fight for equality. The moral of the story is, don't sink to the level of name-calling and shouting. Don't fight fire with fire. Listen. Learn. And above all, love.