John and I often get asked when we are going to buy a house. It’s a fair question; after all, we are in our forties and have been together for almost 13 years. To many, it’s “normal” to ask, especially after we legalized our commitment last year, a month after the District legalized marriage for same-sex couples.

 

We have been talking about getting our own place and dreaming about what it would look like for many years, but we have not taken any concrete steps toward fulfilling this quintessential American dream of home ownership. We rationalize this choice with the unattainable costs of dwellings in the neighborhoods we aspire for and our - okay my - staggering student loan debt. Truth of the matter, however, is that we have not settled down because our future here is uncertain.

 

As a married couple that happens to be gay, our union is not honored or respected by the federal government because of the Defense of Marriage Act. This means that we are denied over a thousand protections and benefits bestowed upon married couples that happen to be straight. Among this largesse is the ability of an American citizen to sponsor her foreign-born spouse for a green card. John, a native of North Carolina from where generations of Floyds and Beddingfields hail, is unable to obtain permanent residency for me because we are gay.

 

For now, I am able to stay in the U.S. legally as an international student. Once I complete my degree, however, my husband and I will have to figure out a way to keep me here.  There are options but no guarantees.  It would be a whole lot easier and fairer if we were treated like a straight binational married couple.  I would have gotten a green card a few months after our wedding last year and we would be looking at condos by now. But we are not.

 

I don’t know when we will finally own our own place but I do know that we have made a commitment to one another. If I have to leave the country, then so will my husband. This is an option we would rather not take. This is our home. Our parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends are here. Our church is here. Our careers are here. Our hearts are here.